


Candypants

by LunaMoth116



Category: M&M's Commercials
Genre: Aromantic, Coming Out, Crack Treated Seriously, Friendship, Gen, Innuendo, Male-Female Friendship, POV First Person, Prompt Fill, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:09:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24416404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaMoth116/pseuds/LunaMoth116
Summary: Green has had enough of these ridiculous rumors.
Relationships: Green M&M & Blue M&M
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8
Collections: Gen and Aro Prompts (Any fandom)





	Candypants

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [GenAndAroPrompts](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/GenAndAroPrompts) collection. 



> _Written for the following prompt: “I just really like the idea of someone who seems really ‘sexual’ being aro. or vice versa: a hopeless romantic being ace. if that makes sense at all..? i guess the whole point is people being like,_ wait really? because it doesn’t seem so. _and the person is just like_ bro that’s not how it works
> 
> _“i mean, alternatively, someone who identifies with the split attraction model, who’s either ace or aro, and saying,_ fuck society’s expectations”
> 
> _Quarantine ennui + looking up M &M’s commercials from my childhood + subsequently buying a 1-lb. bag + having the crazy idea to look for fic for these characters = well…this. I really enjoy the challenge collection this fic is part of and have wanted to contribute to it again for some time — admittedly, this is not how I expected to do so. *g* Thanks to anonymous for the suggestions, and to Dandelionish for, as usual, being my shoulder devil and telling me to go for it ;P._
> 
> _I have to say, if you’re going to have anyone’s voice monologuing in your head, Cree Summer’s isn’t too bad. ;) The title is from the first commercial in[this montage](https://youtu.be/PYattLFzSRg), which ran as part of a promotion in 2009._
> 
> **Disclaimer:** _Only the idea is mine. Unfortunately._

_“The white light streams down to be broken up by those human prisms into all the colors of the rainbow. Take your own color in the pattern and be just that.”_

_~ Charles R. Brown_

Ugh. How do these ridiculous rumors get started?

It was bad enough when they thought I was _lime_ , of all things, but oh, what I wouldn’t give for _that_ rumor to be swirling around again. Now, Ms. Brown is a fine lady and I respect her very much (unlike _others_ I won’t mention), but the trouble started when she joined the team.

“Hey, Candypants,” Blue said, coming up to me after a long day of filming and photoshoots. “Word is you’re real excited about Ms. Brown coming onboard.”

I rolled my eyes before turning to face him. No matter how many times I told him not to call me that stupid nickname, he kept using it. I finally decided to just stop telling him; if it was a reaction he wanted, I wasn’t about to give it to him. Well, mostly. I shrugged. “Yeah, why not? I think she’ll bring a lot to our team.”

“I thought you might say that,” Blue smirked.

I wasted no time tackling him and pinning him to the ground — not hard enough to crack his shell, unfortunately. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?!”

“Whoa, cool your jets, Candypants!” Blue lifted his hands in surrender. “I just meant I thought you’d like having another woman around. It’s been just you and us guys for so long, it’s kinda nice to have more women around here, don’t you think?”

“Well, that’s true,” I admitted. “And don’t call me Candypants.” I had never minded or felt out of place being the only female spokescandy, but it was nice to have company. And we could certainly use more brains in this operation. Still, I was suspicious. I eased myself off of Blue, but kept one boot planted firmly on his middle. “But this isn’t just you, is it? You said ‘word is’ that I was excited about her being here.”

Blue shrugged. “Wasn’t me who started it, and I don’t know who did. But some folks have been saying that you might be… _really_ interested in her.”

What he was saying didn’t dawn on me right away. I paused, still pressing my boot into his shell (a little harder each time he struggled; he finally got the point and stopped), as I thought about what he meant. Then, all at once, it hit me like a hailstorm of Minis (where _have_ those little guys been, anyway?).

“Oh, for the love of Murrie and Mars!” I fell back down onto Blue so we were nose to nose, grabbing the sides of his head. “Are you saying people think I’m attracted to her?”

Despite my grip on his head, Blue just managed to nod and croak out an “Mm-hmm.”

“ _Why?_ ” I demanded.

Blue only grunted until I released his head, but I still held him down. “Don’t get so hot under the candy, Green. Nobody’s saying it’s a _bad_ thing. They just think that since they’ve never seen you, well, _with_ anyone, that you were just waiting for the right candy to come along. And then Ms. Brown came on, and, well…”

I sighed. I hadn’t planned on having this conversation today — and maybe not ever — but it was time to squash these rumors before they got out of hand. I got off of Blue and helped him up. “Let’s break down the reasons that that isn’t true, shall we? First, I don’t get involved with coworkers. You know that.”

Blue nodded. 

“Second, even if I did…no, how do I put this?” I thought for a minute; Blue, to his credit, did not interrupt. “I don’t date, period. Not men, not women, nobody.”

Blue gawked in confusion.

“Quit staring at me!” I snapped.

Blue shook his head. “Right, right, sorry. It’s just…I don’t get it. You don’t date anyone? No one? Ever?”

“Right,” I said, trying to stay calm. “Don’t you remember my book, _I Melt for No One_? What did you think the title meant?”

“Uh, yeah, but I-I didn’t actually read it,” Blue stammered. “I thought it meant…never mind. Can I just ask one question?”

“Sure, why not?” I sighed quietly. As much as I wanted to be getting home, answering him now might mean fewer questions from others later.

“Why don’t you date anyone?”

Here it was. I took a deep breath before answering. “I’m just not interested in romance, Blue. No, more than that — I’ve never had romantic feelings for anyone. At all. I’ve never even had a crush. I’ve tried dating before, but I eventually realized I wasn’t feeling it. I met some nice people and had fun, but I just didn’t feel anything for my dates other than friendship, and sometimes physical attraction. I finally realized I’ll never be interested in anyone romantically, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Of course not, Green,” Blue said, uncharacteristically matter-of-fact; I looked at him in surprise. “If you don’t feel romantic or like dating anyone, that’s fine. That’s just how you feel. You don’t need to justify it.” Before I could respond, he went on, “Now, this isn’t _me_ talking, mind you…but I know some people will wonder, have been wondering…how that makes sense with, well, everything else that you do.”

I could see him taking a few cautious steps backward as I tried to understand what he meant. “You mean…?”

“Like with the Premium ads, and working the polls during the election and stuff…” He trailed off, backing into a nearby table.

Finally, I got it. “Oh, for _crying out loud!_ ” I yelled, not caring who heard. “Just because I’m proud of my shell and like showing it off in ads — because I like silk sheets and fruit and heels — that means I’ll just give it up to anyone who comes by?! Absolutely not!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Candy- Green —” Blue started, but I wasn’t done.

“Sure, I like to have fun sometimes. I’ve been known to have a fling or a one-night stand here and there. But I don’t go with just anyone, and I certainly don’t lead people on. Everyone I’ve been with knows there won’t be anything more to it, so they can make up their minds ahead of time. But that’s between me and them, and _no one_ else.”

“I’m not denying that, Green,” Blue said quickly. “Maybe I don’t fully understand it, but it doesn’t matter to me. You’re a great spokescandy and have always been a pleasure to work with, and this won’t change that. So you like to show off your…assets. So you don’t date. So you have flings. So what? That’s just part of who you are.” He looked me right in the eye. “And I _like_ who you are. This won’t change that.”

“I’d certainly hope not,” I said, secretly pleased at his words. “You still don’t have a chance, just so you know. Even if it was just a fling.”

Blue snorted. “Color me shocked.” He gave me a small smile. “I like you better as a friend, anyway.”

I smiled back. “Don’t tell anyone, but…I’d say the same about you.”

We stood there in silence for a few moments before Blue spoke again. “Green — if people start talking again, do you want me to say anything? Or tell Red and the others?”

“Sure.” I shrugged. “I don’t really care; I didn’t tell anyone before since it’s none of their business — and it still isn’t — but it’s out there now that I’ve told you, so go ahead. I’ll talk to Red and the others tomorrow. I just don’t want these rumors to get too crazy, you know?”

“I got you,” Blue said, nodding. “I won’t say more than that, and I’ll tell them to talk to you if they want to know more.”

“Thanks, Blue,” I said, genuinely grateful and relieved. I felt like I’d been carrying a box of those 10-lb. bags of candy for ages and I’d just put it down. Or thrown it away. I’m not ashamed of who I am, nor do I feel like it needs to be a secret, but now I realized I didn’t mind my friends knowing. And why would I? They wouldn’t mind, either.

“No problem. See you tomorrow.” Blue started to walk away, but then turned back and added with a grin, “…Candypants.”

I shook my head and smiled. I’d let him have that one. Just this once.


End file.
